“You cannot be serious,” said the first speaker. “By St. Comus, I know something of ulcers; and here, I maintain it, we have a gangrene.” “No, no, friend,” replied the second, “we have no ulcer—we have a rogue to deal with—nothing is the matter with him. I know the whole history of his ulcer, and how it was made. It is by no means very rare; for I know the herbs with which the impostor has prepared it, and the ingenious method in which they have been applied.”
The other seemed quite confounded at this assertion; but, ashamed of owning himself a dupe, he persisted in his former opinion: on which a pretty warm colloquy would have ensued, had not the more ingenious of the two had the sense to recommend first to examine the leg, and to end the dispute afterwards. “Look a little deeper into the matter,” said he, “and you will see the fellow`s knavery.” “With all my heart. I will confess you are right, when I see there is no ulcer, or rather gangrene.”
Good cardinal`s fees fairly between us
“That is not enough,” replied his colleague. “In acknowledging your error, you must also admit I am entitled to at least a third more fees than yourself.” “By no means,” retorted the other. “I have eyes to detect imposture as well as you; and I am of opinion we ought to divide the good cardinal`s fees fairly between us.” The dispute now waxed warm, and rather than give up his point, each declared that he would make the cardinal acquainted with the whole business.
In this dilemma I did not hesitate a moment—there was no time to lose—escape was impossible. I rushed into the presence of the faculty, and threw myself at their feet. With well-dissembled grief I thus ad-dressed them: “Alas! my dear sirs, take pity upon an unfortunate fellow creature. Think, gentlemen, `homo sum; nihil humani,` etc.: I am mortal like yourselves—you know the hard-heartedness of the great, and how the poor and forlorn are compelled to assume the most horrible shapes in order to soften their hardness; and in doing this what risks and sufferings do we not encounter, and all for so small a remuneration.
Besides, what advantage will you get by exposing such a poor miserable sinner? You will certainly lose your fees, which you need not do if you will let us understand each other. You may rely on my discretion; the fear of consequences will keep me silent, and we may each benefit in our respective professions.”
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